That's Not Right!
by marity
Summary: Eek. Lily and James take a sabotaged potion for a Potions test, and wake up in the morning with serious complications! LJ. Rated for language, we don't want to corrupt the little ones' ears!
1. Chapter One

**A/N: This is a rewrite! Nothing is changed but the very bottom. Screwed that one up, I did. **

**That's Not Right!**

By Emily VanScoy

Chapter 1 

The silly girl that she is, Lily Miriam Evans took a deep, slow breath of air, which immediately filled her lungs with the purplish smog that had filled the small, cramped Potions classroom.

"_Bugger!_" Lily coughed into her hand, hacking away as Marlene McKinnon patted her back, grinning.

"Aw, poor Lily. At least you'll be able to live with lung cancer!" Marlene continued grinning, even if it annoyed Lily to no ends.

"How is that any consolation?" said Lily, scowling into the sleeve of her white school shirt.

"'S not. I just like saying lung cancer," said Marlene, continuing with the complex stirring pattern for the potion.

"Oh, _that_ explains. Really, it's such a pretty phrase," muttered Lily sarcastically.

Marlene smiled, but quickly stumbled to the side as Dorcas Meadows nudged her to talk to Lily.

"Hmmm, I wonder why you chose this table?" Dorcas pondered aloud, as Lily glared. Marlene, a confused look on her face, said, "Why?"

"Oh, nothing important. Just that Lily's a _perv_!" Dorcas grinned like a maniac at this, Lily blushing like a crazy tomato on steroids, spluttering something about 'what are you talking about?' and 'You know nothing!' and even 'I shall die for my country!'

Okay, maybe not the last one- Dorcas and Marlene probably couldn't tell. Or care, for that matter.

Happily passing the time with mutterings, hacking coughs, and lung cancer, no one really noticed Marlene's lagging arms or the slow decline in speed of her Potions spoon- but, of course, they noticed when Marlene had almost fainted into the chair behind her.

Lily, in the corner of her eye, saw the slow decent, and, out of shock, didn't exactly rush to her best friend's aid.

Of course, the first thing she did do was yell, "Bugger!"

As Dorcas lifted Marlene into a standing, or, rather, leaning position, Marlene's shirt lifted up and a shockingly purple bruise that spread from her skirt's waist to where the shirt covered it, and all across her navel.

"What the hell?" whispered Lily, helping Dorcas support Marlene on the other side, throwing Marlene's limp arm around her shoulder.

"What's all the fuss?" said Professor Slughorn, approaching the table out of the purplish smoke. He stopped cold for a second upon sighting Marlene, and Lily really thought he was about to puke into one of those monogrammed handkerchiefs he was always carrying- but Slughorn acted in a manner almost befitting a Hogwarts professor.

"Let's just get her to the Hospital Wing, shall we- erm, you?" Slughorn bustled around the table, making flittering hand gestures and his jowls bouncing on his chubby face- quite a hilarious picture, really, if Lily did have an unconscious best friend on her shoulders.

"Right then- off you go!" Slughorn's shifty eyes settled on Marlene's spreading bruise, and as he opened the Potion's door, he said, "Tell Madame Pomfrey I'll bring up the potion." And with that, he snapped shut the door, and Lily could almost feel the curious stares of the other students trying to burn through the door.

"What the _hell?_" repeated Lily, with Dorcas nodding in agreement.

"This is bloody nuggets," Dorcas muttered, running her free hand through her short, curly brown hair.

"Bloody nuggets?" asked Lily, her brows knitting together in confusion.

"Of course! Nuggets, nuts. Crazy," Dorcas rolled her eyes at her friend's 'stupidity'.

"Ah. I should start carrying that 'Dorcas Dictionary' you say you published," Lily said, settling Marlene's arm across her shoulder more comfortably. Marlene began to regain consciousness and stumble along, bringing some relief to Lily's straining muscles.

"What happened?" muttered Marlene, her eyes trained on the ground in front of her.

"You buggered out," Dorcas said plainly, lifting Marlene as high as she could to clear some steps up to the Hospital Wing.

"You fainted," clarified Lily, barely able to lift Marlene off the ground, much less help Dorcas get her up the stairs.

"Oh," said Marlene simply, and that was that.

Once Madame Pomfrey had bustled about and made enough fuss for Dorcas and Lily to be satisfied with their friend's well-being, they said their fond farewells ("See you tonight" and "Don't die") and set back to what was left of the Potion's class period.

"What d'you reckon Slughorn meant by 'the potion'?" asked Lily, rubbing her arms against the chill December air that snaked through the corridors.

"Probably something to help with that nasty bruise. I'll bet Marlene fell off her bed yesterday," replied Dorcas, she herself firmly protected against the cold in her school robes.

"Yeah, right. I would've woken up," Lily said, always skeptical.

"You're not the lightest sleeper in the dragon den, Lillers," Dorcas pointed out, grinning, and towering over Lily as they descended the stairs to the Potion's dungeon classroom.

"What does that even _mean_?" Lily said incredulously, as they opened the heavy wooden door to the Potions room.

The thick, choking purple smog was gone, replaced by a wispy, almost mystical looking gold fog. Slughorn, hearing the heavy door creaking open, hustled over to the two girls and started making hand gestures as he talked.

"Well! Girls, you'll have to split up, we made some new partner arrangements in here… Groups of three, now, instead of four!" Slughorn failed to mention that the students had really just grabbed their best friends and started working, and not listening to a word of his instructions past 'We're making a potion!'

"Great, Professor, who am I partnered with?" asked Dorcas, who really couldn't go wrong- she was friends with pretty much everyone in the room.

"Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew, if you please?" Slughorn said, tugging on his robe-like suit with a seemingly agitated nervousness.

"Oh. 'S all right, Lily, I'll be off, then," and Dorcas strolled toward Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew's cluttered table, where Lupin had a greenish-gold potion brewing in the bottoms of a coal-black, almost grey-looking cauldron. Rather unique, in Lily's opinion.

"That leaves you, Ms. Evans, ah…" Slughorn, obviously knew his student politics, and was rather reluctant to announce Lily's new partners. "That leaves you with Mr. Potter and Mr. Black."

If people said that Slughorn never disliked anybody, they were dead wrong; not just because everybody hates someone, but also because James Potter and Sirius Black were living proof. Slughorn really didn't like them, probably a feeling that rubbed off Lily and onto him- Slughorn was so easy to manipulate.

Lily grudgingly, and slowly, made her way to Potter's table, her hands clasped tightly in front of her, as if to keep them from performing some nervous habit or such.

"Hullo, Evans, so nice of you to join us," greeted James, his trademark grin never out of place. Lily scowled in reply, and dropped into a seat. Sirius returned the frown, not even glancing her way more than a second.

"What are you doing now?" Lily asked, turning her eyes to the more green-blue than green-gold potion in the steamy cauldron in front of her, directing her question at either of the boys.

"Still trying to cut up the boomscale droppings into perfect quarters- nearly impossible," James said, setting his chin on his hand, and, funnily enough, looking extremely feminine. It was probably hard to avoid, thought Lily, when you were James Potter- skinny face, slanted eyes, full lips, and _very_ feminine. Except for the lack of breasts. Yes, that was decidedly manly.

Lily grimaced, her tone one of contempt. "_That_ far behind? Really! You should know better," and with that, Lily raised her wand, and gave the boomscale droppings a sharp jab. They neatly slid into a neat pile, all perfect fourths of the original size.

"Bah. You took the easy way," scowled Sirius, dropping one fourth of the pile in and shoving the rest into the dustbin at the end of the table.

"I took the _magic_ way," muttered Lily. James grinned again, and continued stirring, every so often consulting his Potions book, which was more befouled by scribbles that Lily had ever seen.

"Really, must you deface everything you get your hands on?" asked Lily, her tone sharp and sarcastic. James looked up, and followed her gaze to his textbook.

"Nah, not really. Only the inanimate things, really."

"Great vocabulary, Potter," muttered Lily, rolling her eyes. Boy, was _that_ a comeback!

"I know, right?" There was that feminine 'feeling' again. _He'd be a great girl_, thought Lily.

Sirius stared at his best friend and Lily, his grey eyes glazed over, finding nothing interesting in the banter between the two.

His mind was a blank slate, and as he searched for something interesting to do or think about, his first thought was _Evans_.

Great, what was he supposed to do with that? Lily Evans was a bratty know-it-all, always on the teacher's good side, and absolutely annoying. And James was absolutely obsessed!

And with nothing better to do, Sirius concocted a plan to liven up Potions for a long time…

Lily felt someone's gaze, and breaking off her conversation, turned her head to look at Sirius. He was looking at her like someone who was extremely bored, or insane. Lily reasoned that it was the insane part, and thought no more of it.

"So, what do you say?" James's question, accompanied by a tap on the elbow, brought Lily back to the present.

"Huh-?" Lily said, disoriented. Lost in her own thoughts, Lily hadn't even noticed that James had continued his conversation.

"I said, what do you say about Hogsmeade?" James looked so hopeful. Lily actually felt a little guilty for a second, but her iron will crushed it (or, in other words, she was too stubborn for her own good).

"Not on my agenda, sorry," Lily said, and she nervously twisted her plain, hemp-thread bracelet that braided itself around her finger, like she had charmed it. James immediately launched into more conversation, all the while stirring the potion by twirling his wand in the air absently, which kept the silver spoon they were using going at hyper-speed. (Lily once considered this cheating, but in her fifth year she had to prepare a potion that had to be stirred five hundred times, twice, in two different directions. Spells were her God then.)

When, finally the double period finally let out, Lily grabbed her bookbag off her chair's back and grabbed Dorcas's elbow, which was roughly at Lily's shoulder- an exaggeration, but Lily was like that.

"How were Remus and Peter?" Lily asked, rummaging through her bag for a quill and parchment for her next class.

Dorcas laughed, and ran a hand through her hair, as if to tame the frizz. "Not bad. Remus did a lot of the work, and I enjoy humiliating Peter."

Lily scowled, and, realizing there were no classes left – it was the end of the day – shoved her quill into her bag.

"You really shouldn't pick on him, Dorcas. He's been trapped into a lowly existence as the Marauder's lackey, even lower than a Marauder."

"But that's the fun of it! Really, Lily, liven up," Dorcas smiled and led them up the stairway of the dungeon, and into the Great Hall for dinner.

"Bah. Nothing funny about it."

"There's a difference between fun and funny, Lils," muttered Dorcas, who was digging into her turkey and mashed potatoes, as Lily would soon be doing, too.

A nudge on her shoulder brought Lily's head up, and she scooted over to make way for Marlene, grinning.

The small girl wedged herself between Lily and the next Gryffindor with ease, and grabbing a plate, she began to load it with tons of food, belying her small figure.

"What? No explanation?" Lily asked, her eyebrows raised in bemusement. Marlene shrugged.

"Nothing to explain. I fainted," Marlene looked away as she said this, and Lily rolle dher eyes. Marlene was so terrible at being vague and such.

"I saw that huge bruise! What happened?"

Marlene muttered something unintelligible, and Lily leaned in closer.

"What was that?"

"None of your god_damn_ business," and that was all she would say on the subject.

Really, Marlene needed to realize who she was best friends with.


	2. Chapter Two

**That's Not Right!**

By Emily VanScoy

**Chapter Two**

That night, Lily lay in her bed, staring at the crimson canopy above her. It was a strange canopy, full of bends and turns that, when you stared at it long enough, seemed to make pictures… Except, of course, when you realized there were pictures, and blinked, it all disappeared.

Bloody wankers. All disappearing-like and such.

Lily's duvet smothered her in down, with the feathery insides poking out of the cotton cover, jabbing Lily's bare legs. She just couldn't sleep- tossing and turning, the poking and prodding, and the constant clock consultancy was a testament to that. Something was on the tip of her tongue, or at least her consciousness. Lily couldn't think of it!

It had something to do with James. Or Sirius. Lily was certain. A creepy feeling, but not the kind that sends shivers up your spine. More like, the kind that gives your gut a thorough twisting before giving up.

Oh well. Lily saw them in Potions the next day. Maybe she'd remember it after a full night's sleep.

* * *

And so, in Potions, the 'thing' that was on the tip of her tongue still evaded Lily.

'_If it's _that_ important, I'd remember it,**'**_ thought Lily, who was taking her turn at the cauldron today, stirring the air absent-mindedly with her wand.

A flash of light to her left made Lily look up, and she immediately sent her arms flying up to protect her face. She felt a whipping, gooey string of something that was disgustingly like phlegm splatter against her arms, and when she finally trusted the Armageddon of Goo had finally stopped, Lily lowered her arms.

"You bloody _arse_!" cried Ogden Pierce, a rather dodgy Slytherin with slicked-back, brown hair. He was standing in astonishment over his cauldron, which was smoking peculiarly and not at all looking like it should – a nice, golden color, if you must know – and cursing out Sirius.

Sirius was smirking, leaning back in his chair casually, his ear-length, shaggy dark hair waving his eyes. "No arguments there, Pierce," said Sirius, setting all four of his chair's legs back on the ground, his elbows on his knees.

"What's this, then?" asked Professor Slughorn, making his way around the many tables. "Is everyone alright?"

"Just a little accident Professor," chirped Peter, his hands clasped in front of him, his chubby face full of innocence.

"Well, in that case, Mr. Pierce and Mr. Black will stay after and clean it up. I'm so sorry, Mr. Pierce, about your potion. You'll have to start all over, won't you?" Professor Slughorn smiled in what he most likely though a fatherly way, and scuttled off to his desk at the front of the room.

"It was worth it, Prongs," muttered Sirius, grinning. Lily kept an eye on the two, making sure their potion wouldn't be the next to explode.

"You'll be staying after, you arse! We have _plans_ tonight, don't we?" _James looks absolutely furious_, thought Lily, _but then again, he has quite the temper_.

"Bah. It'll take me five minutes, Sluggy always lets us use magic," said Sirius, once again leaning back in his chair.

"Why'd you do it?" asked James, who (to Lily's relief) was continuing with the extensive knife work the cuttlefish needed before they entered the potion.

"This class is so boooring," said Sirius, dragging out the 'o' in boring. Lily continued stirring the potion, every so often checking the color and the texture- not too thin, but not lumpy.

"Well, you don't have to destroy someone else's potion," said James condescendingly, frowning at his best friend. Lily was secretly congratulating James's maturity, but her face remained blank and her ears open.

"Bah. Fine. I'll just destroy ours. How's that?"

James sucked in a breath, and his eyes flitted over to Lily.

"Normally, I wouldn't mind. But, Sirius! Lily Evans! Is making! Our potion!"

"So?" Sirius asked, casually. Lily stared at him angrily, which was probably a mistake.

"_So?_ She'd flip! At me! It's always my fault, isn't it?" James was glaring at Sirius, and then he was suddenly sliding his materials and his chair toward Lily.

Lily turned to James, and she tried to keep her face blank. In the corner of her eye, Sirius was inspecting some ingredients. This was pushed out her mind by James's question.

"You heard that, didn't you?"

Lily worried her lower lip, and nodded. "Sure."

"Great… Well, really, even Sirius isn't completely evil. Hopefully he won't do anything," said James, probably trying to assure himself as much as her. Lily wasn't buying it.

"We'll just have to keep a close eye on the potion, won't we." said Lily, not even a question, because they both knew it was true

* * *

Behind them, while they were both distracted, Sirius was making a card tower of paper-thin scales, and they all suddenly fell to the table in a clatter. Sirius froze, and swept them into his hands, trying to hide the few broken scales among the whole ones. With Lily and James both engrossed in their conversation, Sirius headed toward the potion, still holding the scales, and then there was a vial of Grindylow blood, and then a few flakes of hippogriff dandruff, and then they were gone. Some of it in the potion, some of it back where it came from.

But Sirius's mission was completed, and he was content with himself. What could go wrong? A few extra ingredients hurt nobody but the potion… And, of course, their grade.

* * *

Lily looked over her shoulder toward the potion, checking on its progress and safety. Sirius was wandering off toward a few Slytherin, probably intent on ruining their chances for a good grade, and all the ingredients were where they should be. Except the scales.

Lily brushed that off, certain some random student had decided to borrow some. It happened all the time- the scales belonged to the Professor, not Lily, so what did she care?

And then Lily grabbed her wand and continued stirring the potion, the correct golden coloring turning a dangerous-looking violet before settling back to gold.

"Um. Crap," muttered Lily, who then grabbed James by the robes.

"I think we have a problem," she said.

"No! It's perfect color, and even the texture is spot on. What's the problem?" James studied the potion, almost sticking his nose in the smooth mixture.

"It turned purple for a second," said Lily, who knew that, without evidence, James would blow it off.

"It was nothing," said James in conclusion of his studies, and he walked off to bother Sirius. Lily should be a Seer, really, she can predict James's reactions down to the kind of smile he'll use.

Kind of creepy, because that means she's been watching him or something.

Lily shuddered at that thought, and wished the project would just be over. Another two days of letting the potion sit, and it would be time for testing.

Dorcas wandered over, clearing off a patch of table for her elbows to lean on. "What's wrong, Lily?" she asked, fingering a soft, speckly-brown quill in between her long fingers.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate testing potions?" asked Lily, collapsing into the chair behind her.

"Many times. Something about the dangers, blah, blah, the discomfort, blah blah, stupidity. I got it," Dorcas rolled her eyes, and then patted Lily on her head. "I know, I know. You hate it. Doesn't matter, does it?"

"I just wish being Slughorn's favorite student would pay off once in a while!" said Lily, her face buried into her arms on the table.

"Ah well. Sluggy doesn't look like the kind to deliver, anyways, so just milk for what its worth with the other teachers," offered Dorcas, thumbing the quill absent-mindedly.

"That doesn't even make sense," muttered Lily into her sleeves.

"I'm not Marlene, so bugger off," said Dorcas.

"I wish she was here! She always gives good advice," moaned Lily.

"Too bad Madame Pomfrey said no potion's fumes for Little Miss I-Need-To-Take-Care-Of-My-Lungs," Dorcas said, poking Lily in the ear with the quill.

"Yeah, and you're definitely Little Miss Dying-Before-Age-Twenty," said Lily, and she giggled.

"Is my untimely demise funny to you?" demanded Dorcas, poking Lily again.

Swatting away the quill, Lily responded, "Not at all. Just, I can imagine how you die. Something to do with toilets."

"I'm _sure_."

And as their giggles drifted off, the Potion's classroom was emptying and the class was over.

After dinner, it was just another sleepless night for Lily.

* * *

That Friday, it was testing day. The rainy weather was not a very good indicator of good fortune, and Lily felt extremely uneasy. It felt like she was crawling in her skin. The stuffy Potions classroom was silent, and each student was waiting for his or her name to be called, and they would then test their potion with Slughorn watching. 

James was smiling in his trademark, cocky way and Sirius was leaning against the table with hand on the cauldron. Lily was nervously fiddling with her skirt's hem under her robes.

_Of all days,_ thought Lily,_ of all the days this week or this month, I had to get a cold on this one._

And with that thought, Lily's nose began to itch and tingle, and that irresistible urge to sneeze was upon her. Lily let go, and she sneezed right into the cauldron.

James looked toward her, probably to say 'Excuse' or something of the like, but he too began to sneeze.

"What is this, contagious?" muttered Sirius, his eyes smiling. It was quite funny to see his best friend doubled over, sneezing into a cauldron.

Lily glared at Sirius, but before she could get a word around her violent sneezing, their names were called. Since only two students were needed to test the potion, of it was Sirius who _selflessly_ declined to test the potion. Lily and James each filled a goblet with the potion, and brought them up to Slughorn's desk for inspection.

"Too bad the potion is such a common color, for then this wouldn't be necessary for your grade," said Slughorn, mostly to Lily, in a way of apology. He knew how much Lily hated testing. Lily wanted to scream. There were so many other ways to figure out if it was the right potion!

The gold mixture went down the hatch for Lily and James, and the rest of the students, and finally they were allowed out of the class early.

As they exited the classroom, Slughorn called up to them "not to forget to come to his office tomorrow for evaluations".

"Just what I needed. An extra special meeting with Sluggy on a Saturday," growled Sirius, glancing over his shoulder evilly at Slughorn, who was just shutting his heavy wooden door.

Lily heard this and said, "You don't even have to show up! We're the ones who tested it, you berk."

"Not true. I have to go to make sure James doesn't kill Slughorn if he grows an extra arm, or goes dry," said Sirius, smirking.

"'Goes dry'?" asked Lily, her eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Goes dry, Evans, y'know. No Potter Jr. running about? No gas in the tank?" As Lily was shaking her head, Sirius sighed, exasperatedly. "For the smartest witch in our year, you are so thick sometimes. Sterile! A side-effect of some wonky potions is sterility! God!"

And with that, Sirius stalked off, muttering to himself about stupid witches.

"Whoa. A little melodramatic, isn't he?" said Lily, her eyebrows raised, this time with amusement.

"That's just Sirius. I don't think he's all that fond of you sometimes, Evans," said James, chuckling at his friend's stupidity.

"That's lovely. I am absolutely delighted to hear that someone dislikes me," muttered Lily, and she coughed into her hands, her shoulders bouncing with each hack.

"Have I ever told you how silly you look when you cough?" asked James, grinning.

"What is it? Pick On Lily Day?" cried Lily with indignation, and she stalked off to walk with Dorcas and the newly healed Marlene.

Lily heard James cry after her, "I was only joking!" but she really didn't care.

A small rumble in her stomach told Lily it was time for dinner.

* * *

As Lily ate her dinner (chicken pot pie, a most delicious dish) a pain raged at her stomach, and she bent over, moaning. Marlene placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, her worried face appearing in Lily's vision.

"Are you alright, Lily?" said Marlene.

"No…" groaned Lily.

"'S alright, we'll take you up to the dorms," Dorcas said, stuffing a last bite of potatoes into her mouth and placing Lily's arm around her shoulders and helping her up.

"Why not the Hospital Wing?" asked Marlene, who was still sitting.

"I can stand, thank you," said Lily, a little more rudely than she had meant. Dorcas looked at Marlene exasperatedly.

"Obviously, it's not that bad, otherwise she'd be on the floor moaning again."

"I was not on the floor!" hissed Lily, who was aware of the small spectacle they were making of themselves.

"Let's just go to the dorms, Marlene," muttered Dorcas, and the three of them exited the Great Hall, and Lily noticed that James seemed to be wincing and prodding his stomach, too.

Lily's moans and stomach pains frequently stopped the long walk, and Marlene was becoming more and more worried with each passing staircase.

"Finally… Poppycock!" said Dorcas, and the Fat Lady swung open, ogling Lily as she passed through, moaning and clutching her stomach.

"If everything alright with that one?" the portrait said, jerking her head toward Lily.

"Fine as candy, twice as dandy!" sung Dorcas in a high falsetto, making the fat lady cringe and Marlene giggle. Lily just continued stumbling to the dormitory, where she collapsed onto her bed.

That night Lily did sleep, and deeply too, for the first time in that week, ever since that damn project had started.


End file.
